I took this picture this morning while walking Sam and thinking about someone who would have loved this picture. Today is the anniversary of my Mom, Betty, going home to be with Jesus. It has been two years. Though the tears have lessened, and the grieving has ended, I find there are still gaps in my life. I rejoice that we will be reunited some day and I am ecstatic that she is healthy and whole in the presence of her God. But if I could just let her know how much she is still missed.
We traveled to visit family last weekend. Though she was not physically in the car with us, she was there. She was there in the morning, as I thought of her standing in her sweats in my aunt's kitchen drinking coffee - weak coffee, sorry, Aunt Hester.
She was there when we went to Circus, Circus to play at gambling (not my favorite pass time, but she and my dad used to go a couple of times a year) and I could see her there sitting at a slot machine nursing a bucket of nickels, having a great time.
She was there when we sat around the dining table talking about family happenings, laughing and showing concern, contributing to the conversation.
She was there when I took a walk in the "back 40" of my aunt and uncle's property. She and I used to sneak off and go for a walk out there, looking at birds and the amazing view of the mountains.
She was there when we went out to breakfast at one of my aunt and uncle's favorite casino restaurants, ordering an omelet with hash browns, eating slower than everyone else and still barely eating half of it!
Though I carried my Mom in my heart, I missed her presence, her warmth, her laughter, even her bad morning breath. She is a wonderful person who left an empty chair at the table when she moved to heaven.
I love you Mom. Weekly, sometimes daily, I still wish I could pick up the phone and call you. I really have a lot that I would like to run past you and tap into your wisdom and encouragement. Saturday mornings are still sometimes tough, since that was "our time", sitting over the newspaper and cooking magazines, drinking coffee, talking about life. I loved working in the bookstore together, pooling dinner, going to farmer's market, driving Miss Betty to work and appointments, baking at holidays.... I could go on.
But I have to tell you, I'm so glad that we had a relationship that allowed for those holes to even exist. You held a place in my life, that no one else can occupy. You were always my biggest fan. You believed in me more than any other person on the planet, I think.
If you stopped by and are still reading this, I hope you don't see it as a downer. I just wanted to spend a few moments talking about my wonderful mom. I hope it inspires others to create a relationship with their mothers that will leave a hole when she's gone. My treasure box of memories, though not as full as would have liked it to be, is rich and sparkley and priceless.
I love you Momma.
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